Why Being Present With Our Kids Can Feel So Hard

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how quickly our days fill up as parents. After a recent break and returning to the usual routines, it became more noticeable just how easily the pace of daily life can pull us away from meaningful connection with our children.

Noticing this prompted me to be more intentional about presence this week, and it also sparked reflection on how common this experience is for parents. Even when we deeply value connection, many of us feel stretched thin by the constant to-do lists, responsibilities, and mental juggling. 

I hear this often from parents: 

“I wish I could feel more connected.” 

“I always have so much to do.” 

“There just aren’t enough hours in the day.” 

We Want the Connection and the Time… Why Does It Feel So Hard?!

UNCHARTED TERRITORY

For many parents, being intentional with time doesn’t come naturally, and that’s completely understandable. Many of us were raised in generations of parenting where intentional time wasn’t emphasized or even discussed. Now, we’re trying to parent in a way that may not have been modeled for us. Slowing down for connection can feel unfamiliar or unnatural simply because it wasn’t something we experienced growing up.

THOSE CONSTANT TO-DO'S

Time management alone can feel like a full-time job as a parent. Creating space to be present with our children, without folding laundry, checking our phones, cooking, running errands, or mentally reviewing our to-do list, can feel nearly impossible. We live in a world of constant tasks, and many of us have adapted by multitasking just to keep up.

OUR CUP IS EMPTY

By the end of the day, many parents feel depleted, like there’s nothing left to give. Even when we want to be present, we may not have the mental space to fully show up after a day filled with responsibilities, decisions, and demands. That can make intentional time feel overwhelming or even impossible.

Practice Makes Progress

Intentional parenting is a learned skill. If you didn’t grow up with caregivers who paused, tuned in, and prioritized emotional connection, it makes sense that doing this now might feel awkward or unnatural. Slowing down in such a fast-paced world can feel especially uncomfortable. Many parents worry that if it doesn’t feel easy, they must be doing it wrong.

But discomfort often shows up when we’re doing something new. (This is a message many of us offer our children, and one we can gently remind ourselves of, too.) 

FEELING AWKWARD DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE FAILING; IT USUALLY MEANS YOU'RE PRACTICING.

What Intentional Time Can Look Like (Realistically)

Even short moments of intentional connection can have meaningful benefits. Children don’t need constant attention or elaborate activities. What they need most is to feel seen, heard, and emotionally safe.

HERE ARE A FEW SIMPLE AND MANAGEABLE IDEAS

• Sitting nearby while your child plays and offering occasional attention

• Listening for a few minutes without multitasking

• Joining your child in an activity they care about, even briefly

• Putting your phone down during a short shared moment

Connection grows through consistency, not perfection.

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A Gentle Reminder for Parents

If being present feels hard, it’s not a personal failure, it’s often a reflection of how much you’re carrying. Parenting happens within the context of real life, stress, and exhaustion.

Intentional time isn’t about doing more. It’s about approaching small moments differently when you can. And when it feels challenging or unnatural, that doesn’t take away from its value. In many cases, it’s exactly why it matters.

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If you reside in New Jersey and want the additional support of therapy in this life season, contact us for a consultation.

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