[Article] When Advice Feels Like Criticism: Protecting Your Confidence as a New Parent

(Because everyone has opinions and you’re already doing your best to survive.)

The unsolicited advice….

“Let them cry it out, it builds independence.”

“You’re holding the baby too much.”

“We never did it that way, and you turned out fine.”

“If you just relax, your milk will come in.” 

And suddenly, your confidence takes a hit. You smile politely, but inside your brain is spinning.

Am I doing it wrong? Should I try that? Maybe they know something I don’t…

Every new parent gets advice, often from people who mean well. But when you’re running on no sleep, hormones, and the responsibility of caring for a tiny human, even gentle suggestions can hit like criticism.

You’re not crazy for feeling sensitive. You’re not ungrateful. You’re just in one of the most vulnerable times of your life, trying your absolute best.

Why Advice Hits So Hard

Parenthood cracks you open in ways you don’t expect. Suddenly, every decision, feeding, sleep cycle, moment of soothing, feels like it carries lifelong consequences.

So when someone questions your choice (or implies you might be doing it wrong), it touches something deeper than the surface issue. It taps into that whisper all parents carry:

“AM I A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT?”

Advice can feel like judgment, even when it isn’t meant that way, because you’re still learning to trust your instincts. When you’re exhausted, emotionally raw, and trying to keep a tiny human alive, the line between “helpful” and “hurtful” gets very thin.

It’s About Intention, But Also About Impact

Most advice is offered from a place of love. Family members want to feel useful. Friends want to share what worked for them. Strangers at the grocery store just… can’t help themselves.

But good intentions don’t always equal good impact.

People give advice based on their experiences, their values, and sometimes their own anxieties and triggers. It’s less about what you’re doing wrong, and more about what helped them feel safe or competent in their own season of parenting. 

You’re allowed to filter their stories through your own lens and decide what belongs to you and what doesn’t.

Four Ways to Protect Your Confidence

FIND A  “GO-TO” PHRASE

Something neutral and kind you can say on autopilot when advice starts pouring in:

• “That’s interesting! We’re doing things a little differently.”

• “Thanks for sharing what worked for you.”

• “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  
  

Then smile (or don’t), change the subject, and move on with your life.

TAG-TEAM WITH YOUR PARTNER

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated, have a signal ready. Maybe “Hey, can you grab the burp cloth?” really means Please save me before I say something we will both regret!

CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF, NOT THE INTERNET

Before you text three friends or consult Google as you question your parenting choices, take a moment and ask:

“Does this advice support our family’s rhythm and values?”

You are the expert on your baby. You just might not feel like it yet.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS

It’s okay to set gentle boundaries around visits or topics. You can love your family and still need shorter stays, fewer “tips,” or more quiet time.

When It Gets Under Your Skin

Even with the best boundaries, advice can still sting. You might feel defensive, small, angry, or even ashamed, and that’s okay. Those feelings just mean that you’re human. 

When that happens:

• Step out of the room and take five slow breaths. Have a glass of cold ice water.

• Text someone who gets it. (“Did Aunt Carol just tell me my baby’s head is too round??”)

• Remind yourself: This doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. It means I’m deeply invested in my child and my journey.

Your emotional reactions are valid and forms of information. They tell you where your vulnerable spots are and what matters most to you.

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A Gentle Reminder

You are learning something brand new every single day. You’re adjusting, stretching, surviving, and loving harder than you ever have.

You don’t owe anyone proof that you’re doing it “right.” You don’t have to explain or defend your choices. And you’re absolutely allowed to protect your peace.

Because the more you trust your own voice, the easier it becomes to listen without questioning yourself.

You’re doing fine. Really.

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If you reside in New Jersey and want to see if therapy is right for you in this life season, contact us for a consultation.

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