“All Her Fault” Isn’t Just a Thriller. It’s a Mirror.
- Jennifer Weberman, PsyD
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 4 hours ago
All Her Fault should come with a warning:
Once you start this show, you will binge it. You will sacrifice precious sleep. And you will feel angry enough to want to throw things at your TV. Proceed with caution.
At least, that’s how I felt… and based on the internet comment sections, I wasn’t alone.
Why does All Her Fault have everyone talking?
First, hats off to Andrea Mara and Megan Gallagher, for creating a gripping thriller with twists and turns that had many of us on the edge of our seats.
But that’s not the only reason the show keeps coming up in client sessions, in conversations with friends, and in my feed.
It’s the painfully accurate portrayal of default parenting.
It’s watching your lived reality play out on screen and thinking, “Oh. So it’s not just me.”
Because if you’re the default parent—the one who carries the mental load, manages the logistics, anticipates everyone’s needs, and fills in all the invisible gaps—you’re not just tired, or overwhelmed.
You’re drowning.
Let’s revisit a few scenes and do a body check-in:
When Jenny found Richie sitting in his car scrolling, did something tighten in your chest?
When she told him, “Your time off is to do your own thing and to be your own person... and my time off is to grocery shop, to clean the house, to cook, to do laundry. So I don't actually have any time off,” did you feel those words in your bones?
When Jenny’s phone started blowing up during an important client meeting, did you experience a full flashback to every time you’ve tried to work while someone texted you about bedtime routines and meltdowns?
When the detectives questioned both couples, did you notice the disparities right away? In who could answer which questions, in who carried which responsibilities, and in whose job the partners assumed it would be? Did you clock all of that instantly, without anyone needing to point it out?
And let’s be totally honest: In Episode 7 (**SPOILER ALERT**), during that moment, did you think Marissa might push Peter down the stairs? Did you want her to? Even for just a millisecond?
Okay. Breathe. Let’s talk about this.
No, we’re not homicidal maniacs.
But we’re also not okay.
The mental load isn’t a metaphor. It's a measurable, health-impacting burden.
According to Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, mothers report being responsible for roughly 72% of the cognitive labor in families. Seventy. Two. Percent.
Rodsky states that kind of load is linked to:
stress and burnout
memory problems
difficulty concentrating
sleep disturbances
depression and anxiety
loss of identity
work-life conflict
In other words:
THIS ISN'T PERSONAL FAILURE. THIS IS STRUCTURAL.
And I’m not going to pretend I can solve a culturally baked-in problem with a paragraph.
Even if I could, it would just feel like another item on my ever-growing to-do list:
Pick up dry cleaning.
Call the pediatrician.
Take down the patriarchy.
Instead, I want to give you a few places to start; things that actually help, things that make the invisible visible, things that shift dynamics in real life.
What We Can Do While We Wait for the Revolution
MAKE THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE
Make a different kind of list. Not the “Just tell me what to do” list.
The “here’s what I already did today before noon” list.
It’s not petty. It’s a reality check.
USE THE ACTUAL LANGUAGE WITH YOUR PARTNER
“Default parent.”
“Mental load.”
“Invisible labor.”
It's not complaining. It’s advocacy.
WATCH EVE RODSKY'S FAIR PLAY DOCUMENTARY WITH YOUR PARTNER
Then talk about it. Where do you see yourselves? What strengths? What stuck points? What do you want to shift?
DON'T RESCUE (EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN)
Yes, I wanted to tell Jenny to turn off her phone during that work meeting and let Richie handle bedtime. And yes, I know exactly why she didn’t.
Letting things fall apart is excruciating; especially when the fallout lands on you.
Small steps. Boundaries that stretch, not snap. Practice letting other adults problem-solve.
SEND THE REELS. SHARE THE POSTS. NORMALIZE THE CONVERSATION.
Sure, I’ve sent a few passive-aggressive reels about invisible labor. I’m human.
But most days they are a lifeline. I’m saying:
“I’m drowning. Please see me.”
NAME THE DISPARITIES WHEN YOU SEE THEM IN THE WORLD
At home.
At school.
In friendships.
In fictional TV shows.
In real-life families.
Every time we name it, we chip away at it.
And here’s the real ending:
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not “asking too much.”
You’re not imagining it.
You’re carrying the weight of an entire household’s functioning—often silently, habitually, expertly—and that load was never meant for one person.
Watching All Her Fault didn’t activate you because it was fiction.
It activated you because it wasn’t.
But you’re not alone.
And you’re not powerless.
And together, conversation by conversation, reel by reel, list by list, we make the invisible visible enough to change.
Also check out ➡️ Are You the Emotional Regulator in Your House? which includes an easy 5-minute meditation for you to bring care to your nervous system.
Know a friend who needs this, too? Share it with them!
If you reside in New Jersey and want to talk about how invisible labor is affecting your relationship, contact us for a therapy consultation.
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