Talking to Our Kids About Healthy and Safe Body Boundaries
- Jennifer Ellis, LCSW
- a few seconds ago
- 3 min read
There’s a moment many parents don’t expect.
Your child casually mentions something that happened at school or camp or in a public bathroom.
“A kid looked under the stall.”
“A kid showed me their privates.”
“My friend told me to look.”
And suddenly your body reacts before your brain does.
You might feel shocked. Uncomfortable. Triggered. Unsure what to say next.
You might wonder: Is this normal? Do I need to be worried? Did I miss something?
First, take a breath.
You’re not alone, and this is more common than most parents realize.
Many parents have heard versions of these stories, especially with younger children who are still learning about privacy, bodies, and boundaries. While these moments can feel alarming, they are often developmentally common and they also create important opportunities for guidance and teaching.
Let’s talk about how to navigate these conversations in a way that supports your child’s safety and helps them feel confident and secure.
Why These Moments Can Feel So Triggering for Parents
When kids talk about bodies, bathrooms, or nudity, it can stir up a lot for adults.
Our own upbringing, beliefs about modesty, past experiences, or fears about safety can all rush to the surface. What feels like a simple story to your child can land heavily in your body as a parent.
If your first reaction is discomfort, pause and remind yourself: This reaction makes sense.
What matters most is how we respond next.
These moments don’t require panic, they require presence.
Start by Centering Your Child's Experience
Before correcting or teaching, start by acknowledging what your child experienced.
YOU MIGHT SAY:
“Wow, that sounds like it may have been really confusing for you.”
“That sounds unexpected, I’m really glad you told me.”
“Sometimes it’s tricky to know how to handle situations we’ve never been in before.”
THIS DOES A FEW IMPORTANT THINGS:
It lets your child know they didn’t do anything wrong.
It reinforces that you are a safe person to talk to.
It keeps the door open for honest communication.
WHEN CHILDREN FEEL UNDERSTOOD FIRST, THEY'RE MUCH MORE RECEPTIVE TO GUIDANCE.
Clear, Simple Messages About Body Boundaries
Children don’t need long lectures, they need clear, consistent language they can remember and use.
SOME HELPFUL BOUNDARY MESSAGES INCLUDE:
It’s not okay for someone to show you their private parts.
It’s not okay for you to show your private parts to someone else.
The bathroom is a private space.
You don’t need to look if someone tries to show you.
You can always tell a safe adult if something feels confusing or uncomfortable.
Use calm, neutral language. We’re teaching safety and respect, not fear or shame.
Help Them Practice What to Do
Kids feel more confident when they know how to respond, not just what’s allowed.
YOU CAN WALK THROUGH SIMPLE, CONCRETE STEPS TOGETHER:
Turn your body away.
Say “no” or “stop”.
Leave the area if possible.
Tell a trusted adult.
YOU MIGHT ASK:
“Who is a safe adult at school you could tell?”
“What could you do if this happened again?”
THESE CONVERSATIONS HELP CHILDREN FEEL PREPARED RATHER THAN POWERLESS.
A Gentle Reminder for Parents
Regulate yourself first.
If your child shares something that activates you, it’s okay to pause.
Take a breath. Collect your thoughts.
You don’t need to have the perfect response in the moment.
You can always come back to the conversation later.
Your calm presence teaches your child that bodies are not a taboo topic and
that they can talk to you about uncomfortable things.
These Moments are Opportunities for Guidance
Teaching healthy and safe body boundaries isn’t a one-time conversation. It’s something we revisit again and again as our children grow.
Bathroom encounters, curiosity, and awkward peer moments often come from innocence and they also create opportunities for guidance.
By staying calm, connected, and clear, you’re helping your child build body awareness, trust in their own instincts, and trust in you.
And that matters far more than getting every word “right.”
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